Kotek Announces Christmas in Oregon Will Now Be Known as “Inclusive Winter Observance” (Connecting the Dots: Oregon, Governor Tina Kotek, Oregon Secretary of State Tobias Read, Edward Tevis Wheeler who served as the 53rd mayor of Portland, Oregon, Universities The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network & Soros Funding, All Networking)
by
Tyler James | Dec 1, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
SALEM,
OR — In a move that experts are calling “bold,” “innovative,” and “the most Oregon
thing to ever
happen,” Governor Tina Kotek announced
Monday that traditional Christmas celebrations will be officially replaced
statewide with a new holiday: Inclusive Winter Observance™.
The
rollout, described by Tina as “a necessary modernization of winter emotions,”
will take effect immediately, despite the fact that most Oregonians were
blindsided while attempting to buy Black Friday leftovers at Fred Meyer.
Christmas
‘Too Festive,’ Says Tina
At a
press conference held beside a sustainably harvested, ethically nonjudgmental
stump, Tina declared that Christmas in its current form “carries outdated
themes of joy, warmth, and unregulated cheer.”
“These
elements,” she said, adjusting a stack of color-coded policy binders, “do not
reflect modern Oregon values. If joy is allowed to spike without state
guidance, where does it end?”
Effective
this year, all references to Christmas—including trees, lights, carols, and
anything shaped like a candy cane—will be rebranded under the Inclusive Winter
Observance (IWO) umbrella.
New
Requirements for Oregon Residents
The
Governor’s office released a 94-page brochure outlining the new rules,
including:
·
Christmas
trees → now
called Seasonal Vertical Botanicals. Must be certified
“non-denominational” and decorated exclusively with muted,
earth-neutral tones.
·
Santa
Claus →
replaced with the Seasonal Redistribution Specialist, a figure
tasked with distributing grants, not presents.
·
Stockings → rebranded as Thermal
Sock-Shaped Storage Units, with required DEQ labeling.
·
Sleigh
bells →
prohibited due to “excessive merriment.”
Citizens
found humming “Jingle Bells” will receive a gentle corrective nudge from
the state, described as “a brief reeducation slideshow narrated by a very tired
DMV employee.”
New
IWO Activities
Traditionally
festive experiences will be replaced with updated, more equitable alternatives:
·
Caroling → now “Neighborhood Acoustic
Consensus Chanting.”
·
Gift
exchanges →
replaced with “Mutual Seasonal Redistribution using reusable burlap
containers.”
·
Holiday
parties →
reclassified as “Group Togetherness Moments,” capped at three participants
unless a special permit is secured from the county.
Participants
must bring their own biodegradable plates, emotional neutrality, and a written
500-word reflection on the meaning of winter.
Reactions
Across Oregon
Reactions
have been mixed, ranging from confusion to deep, primal confusion.
Bend
resident Trevor Clamsworth said he tried explaining Inclusive Winter Observance
to his grandmother and “she just stared at me like I told her Santa joined
Antifa.”
Portland
residents, meanwhile, have widely embraced the change, with several
neighborhoods already organizing IWO Lantern Walks of Mutual
Non-Specific Delight.
However,
in rural Oregon, reports indicate multiple residents have begun stockpiling
traditional candy canes in underground bunkers.
North
Pole Files Complaint
In a
surprising development, Santa (now officially “Mr. Claus, private citizen”)
issued a statement through his attorneys claiming that Tina’s new policy
“unfairly targets sleigh-based logistics operations” and “undermines centuries
of magic-oriented labor.”
Tina
responded by offering him a position on the IWO Advisory Committee, explaining
that “his workshop experience could be valuable in modernizing gift equity
distribution pathways.”
What
Happens Next
The
state says IWO will continue evolving, and next year’s proposals may phase out:
·
holiday
lights (“too twinkly”)
·
gingerbread
men (“gendered”)
·
snowmen
(“also gendered”)
·
peppermint
mochas (“inflationary risk factors”)
Residents
are encouraged to “embrace the season with open arms, closed expectations, and
government-approved seasonal neutrality.”
As for
Christmas itself, Tina assured Oregonians that it hasn’t been “canceled,”
merely “transitioned into a more administratively soothing winter paradigm.”
Oregonians
have until December 12 to update all references to Christmas, including on yard
decor, Amazon wishlists, and confused texts from relatives in Idaho.
Tina Kotek
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tina_Kotek
Christine Kotek (/ˈkoʊtɛk/ KOH-tek;[1] born
September 30, 1966) is an American politician who has served since 2023 as the
39th governor of Oregon. A member of the Democratic Party, Kotek
served from 2007 to 2022 as a member of the Oregon House of Representatives from
the 44th district and from 2013 to 2022
as speaker of
the Oregon House of Representatives.
Kotek
became the first openly
lesbian woman elected speaker of a U.S. state house in
2013. She is the longest-serving speaker of the Oregon House of
Representatives, having served for nine years.[2] She
was elected governor of Oregon in 2022 and is one of
the first two openly
lesbian women elected governor of a U.S. state,[3] as
well as the third woman elected governor of Oregon.[4]
Throughout
her time in elected office, Kotek has championed legislation to increase
housing production in Oregon to alleviate the state's housing crisis. In 2019,
she spearheaded legislation to make Oregon the first state to remove single-family-exclusive zoning across
the state, permitting duplexes, triplexes, and fourplexes in residential
neighborhoods previously zoned exclusively for single-family homes. In 2024,
her top legislative priority as governor was putting $376 million toward
housing production, as well as easing the rules for housing development.
Early
life and education
Kotek
was born on September 30, 1966, in York, Pennsylvania, to Jerry Albert Kotek[5] and
Florence (née Matich).[6][7][8] Her
father was of Czech ancestry,
and her mother's parents were Slovenes.[9] Her
grandfather František Kotek[10] was
a baker from Týnec nad Labem.[11][12][13]
Kotek
graduated second in her class from Dallastown Area High School.[14] She
attended Georgetown University, but left without graduating.[14] She
then worked in commercial diving and as a travel agent.[14]
In
1987, Kotek moved to Oregon. She earned a Bachelor of Science degree in
religious studies from the University of Oregon in 1990.[15][16][17][18] She
then studied at the University of Washington, earning a master's
degree in international studies and comparative religion.
Tobias
Read
Tobias Read (born
July 1, 1975) is an American politician who is currently serving as the
30th Oregon Secretary
of State since
2025. As a member of the Democratic Party he served as the 29th Oregon State Treasurer from 2017 to
2025. Before that, he was a member of the Oregon House of Representatives,
representing the 27th district from 2007 to 2017,
which comprised parts of Beaverton,
southwest Portland, and unincorporated Multnomah and Washington Counties. He served as Speaker
Pro Tempore and was formerly the Democratic Majority Whip.
Career
From
1999 to 2001, Read worked for the United States Department of the Treasury as
an aide to then-Secretary Lawrence Summers. His immediate supervisor was Sheryl
Sandberg.[10] Read
then returned to Oregon after graduate school, working for startup SkyTaxi for
several months before finding work at Nike as a footwear developer, where he
worked from 2004 to 2012.[11] In 2012, he left his role at Nike to focus
full-time on his political career.
Ted
Wheeler
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Wheeler
Edward Tevis Wheeler (born
August 31, 1962)[1] is an American politician and businessman who served as the
53rd mayor of Portland, Oregon, from 2017 to 2025. A moderate member of the
Democratic Party, Wheeler served as the state treasurer of Oregon from 2010 to
2016 and the chair of the Multnomah County Commission from 2007 to 2010.
Wheeler
was elected in the 2016 Portland mayoral election and reelected in 2020.
Formerly a registered Republican,[2] he has been described as a moderate
Democrat.
Early
life and education
A
sixth-generation Oregonian, Wheeler was born in Portland to a family with roots
and wealth in the Oregon timber industry. His father, Sam Wheeler, was
executive vice president at Willamette Industries,[5] a Fortune 500 lumber company
formed in 1967 by mergers and acquisitions of timber companies (Sam Wheeler
sold Wheeler Lumber Company, incorporated in 1900 by Wheeler's
great-grandfather, Coleman Wheeler, in Wheeler, Tillamook County, Oregon.[6][7])
Sam Wheeler divorced Ted's mother, Leslie, in 1972; Wheeler was 10 years old at
the time. He later discussed his father's alcoholism.[8][9]
Ted
Wheeler attended Portland Public Schools,
graduating from Lincoln High School.[10] He
received a bachelor's degree in economics from Stanford University in 1985. He also earned
an MBA from Columbia University in 1989 and a master's in
public policy from Harvard University.[11][12] Wheeler
worked for several financial services companies, including the Bank of
America and Copper Mountain Trust.
Connecting
the Dots:
Tina Kotek
is the Governor of Oregon,
attended Georgetown University and earned a
Bachelor of Science degree in religious studies from the University of Oregon.
Nemir A. Kirdar is
a director at Georgetown University and was a trustee at
the Brookings Institution (think tank).
Donald F. McHenry is
a professor at Georgetown University and an honorary trustee
at the Brookings Institution (think tank).
Hugh B. Price is
a director at Georgetown University and was a senior fellow at
the Brookings Institution (think tank).
Foundation to Promote Open Society was a funder for the Brookings
Institution (think tank).
George Soros was the
chairman for the Foundation to Promote Open Society.
Philip H.
Knight is a trustee at the Brookings Institution (think tank)
and a donor for the University of Oregon.
Lawrence H.
Summers was a trustee at the Brookings Institution (think
tank), served as the 71st United States secretary of the treasury
from 1999 to 2001and is a professor; former president at Harvard University.
Tobias Read
was Lawrence H.
Summers’s aide, his immediate supervisor was Sheryl Sandberg and is the
30th Oregon Secretary of State since 2025.
Sheryl K.
Sandberg was Tobias Read’s immediate supervisor, a VP for Google
Inc. and a trustee at the Brookings Institution (think tank).
Google Inc. was
a funder for the Brookings Institution (think tank).
Foundation to Promote Open Society was a funder for the Brookings
Institution (think tank).
George Soros was the chairman for the Foundation to Promote Open Society.
Victoria P. Sant is an honorary trustee at the Brookings
Institution (think tank) and was a trustee at Stanford University.
Robert M. Bass was
a trustee at the Brookings Institution (think tank) and a
trustee at Stanford University.
Pete Higgins is
a trustee at the Brookings Institution (think tank) and was a
trustee at Stanford University.
Steven A. Denning is
an honorary trustee at the Brookings Institution (think tank) and
a trustee at Stanford University.
Mark B. McClellan was
a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution (think tank) and
an associate professor at Stanford University.
Ted Wheeler received his BA from Stanford University, his MBA from Columbia University, his MPP from Harvard University and served as the 53rd mayor of Portland, Oregon, from 2017 to 2025.
Joan E. Spero was a trustee at Columbia University
and an honorary trustee at the Brookings Institution (think tank).
Lawrence H.
Summers is a professor; former president at Harvard University,
served as the 71st United States secretary of the treasury from 1999 to
2001 and was a trustee at the Brookings Institution (think tank).
Foundation to Promote Open Society was a funder for the Brookings
Institution (think tank) and the Aspen Institute (think tank).
George Soros was the chairman for the Foundation to
Promote Open Society.
Shirley M.
Hufstedler was a lifetime trustee at the Aspen Institute
(think tank) and the secretary for the U.S. Department of Education.
Kevin Jennings was
an assistant deputy secretary for the U.S. Department of Education
and the founder & executive director for the Gay, Lesbian and
Straight Education Network.
Madeleine K.
Albright was a trustee at the Aspen Institute (think tank), a
professor at at Georgetown University.
Prince
Alwaleed Bin Talal Center for Muslim-Christian Understanding was a
center at Georgetown University.
Tina Kotek
attended Georgetown University, earned a
Bachelor of Science degree in religious studies from the University of Oregon and is the Governor
of Oregon.
Nemir A. Kirdar is
a director at Georgetown University and was a trustee at
the Brookings Institution (think tank).
Donald F. McHenry is
a professor at Georgetown University and an honorary trustee
at the Brookings Institution (think tank).
Hugh B. Price is
a director at Georgetown University and was a senior fellow at
the Brookings Institution (think tank).
Foundation to Promote Open Society was a funder for the Brookings
Institution (think tank).
George Soros was the chairman for the Foundation to
Promote Open Society.
Philip H.
Knight is a trustee at the Brookings Institution (think tank)
and a donor for the University of Oregon.
Resources:
Past Research
GOP
Grills University Leaders in House Antisemitism Hearing (Connecting the Dots:
Georgetown University, The City University of New York, University of
California, Berkeley, Columbia University & Soros Funding, All Networking)
(Past Research on Georgetown University)
Tuesday,
July 29, 2025
https://thesteadydrip.blogspot.com/2025/07/gop-grills-university-leaders-in-house.html
Univ.
of Kansas Still Paying Professor Who Hoped NRA Members' Children Get Shot (Past Research on the University of Oregon)
Tuesday,
November 12, 2013
https://thesteadydrip.blogspot.com/2013/11/univ-of-kansas-still-paying-professor.html
Former
Treasury Secretary Summers: My 'Best Guess' US Will Hit Recession Soon
(Connecting the Dots: Larry Summers, Meet the Press, NBC, ABC, Soros, Federal
Reserve & Janet Yellen) (Past Research on Larry
Summers)
Monday,
July 25, 2022
https://thesteadydrip.blogspot.com/2022/07/former-treasury-secretary-summers-my.html
Who
Really Controls Our Universities? (Connecting the Dots: Soros Funded Think
Tanks) (Past Research on Stanford University)
Wednesday,
August 24, 2022
https://thesteadydrip.blogspot.com/2022/08/who-really-controls-our-universities.html
Rep.
Walberg Presses Columbia on Campus Antisemitism (Connecting the Dots: Columbia
University & Soros Funding, All Networking) (Past
Research on Columbia University)
Thursday,
February 13, 2025
https://thesteadydrip.blogspot.com/2025/02/rep-walberg-presses-columbia-on-campus.html
Trump
Admin Threatens Harvard With Funding Cuts (Connecting the Dots:, Columbia
University, Obamacare & Soros Funding) (Past
Research on Harvard University)
Friday,
April 4, 2025
https://thesteadydrip.blogspot.com/2025/04/trump-admin-threatens-harvard-with.html
Trump
Administration Threatens School Funding Over DEI (Connecting the Dots: The
Department of Education, Pew Research, Common Core Educational Standards &
Soros Funding, All Networking) (Past Research on
the U.S. Department of Education & the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education
Network)
Thursday,
April 3, 2025
https://thesteadydrip.blogspot.com/2025/04/trump-administration-threatens-school.html
Madeleine
Albright, 1st Female US Secretary of State, Dies at 84 (Connecting Her Dots In
The Soros Network) (Past Research on Madeleine
Albright)
Thursday,
March 24, 2022
https://thesteadydrip.blogspot.com/2022/03/madeleine-albright-1st-female-us.html
GOP
Grills University Leaders in House Antisemitism Hearing (Connecting the Dots:
Georgetown University, The City University of New York, University of
California, Berkeley, Columbia University & Soros Funding, All Networking)
(Past Research on Georgetown University & the Prince
Alwaleed Bin Talal Center for Muslim-Christian Understanding)
Tuesday,
July 29, 2025
https://thesteadydrip.blogspot.com/2025/07/gop-grills-university-leaders-in-house.html
