Try a Little Tenderness
By Samuel Orrin Sewell
Otis Redding’s
music still gives me goose pimples. His advice to “Try a Little Tenderness” was aimed at a man who didn’t
understand the complexity or depth of his woman’s emotions. The wisdom in the
lyrics reveals a profound truth that no matter what life situation is
presented, the application of kindness is the best response.
To support the
broad conclusion above I would ask you to spend a few minutes exploring the
evidence for this incontrovertible principle.
My wife and I
teach a class on the major world religions. What usually impresses our students
is that many features of these diverse religions seem to be universal. The
virtue of kindness is obviously extolled around the world.
Hinduism is
the oldest of the world religions.
One of Hinduism’s oldest proverbs is “Help your neighbor’s boat across, and lo! your own has
reached the shore.” And, “What use is a melody in an
unmusical song? What use are eyes which express no kindness? Other than a facial appearance,
what do eyes with no quality of kindness really do? A kindly look is the
ornament of the eyes. Without kindness the eyes are two unsightly sores.” Tirukkural 58: 573-575
The ancient
Jews taught that a person should not harvest the corners of their field. The
corners are left for the gleaners who have no field. Kindness even
extends to the animal kingdom in the symbolic prohibition to not boil a young
goat in its mother’s milk. However obscure, boiling a kid in its mother’s milk
would seem an unkind act.
Buddhism was
started by a man who carried the title “The Compassionate Buddha.” In modern
times the Dali Lama was asked if he could explain his religion to the American
public in a simple way that everyone could understand. His reply was a classic
summary of all religious thinking; “My religion is kindness” he said, and then
chuckled. I can’t help but like world religious leaders who laugh!
Christ taught
that we all have a sacred obligation to practice a personal discipline of
kindness. Christians are commanded to be kind to people who don’t deserve it,
as a practice of their own faith. We are kind to others because that is
in our Christ nature, and it has nothing to do with other’s behavior. Beloved, let us love one
another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows
God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. I John 4:7-8. And from Albert Schweitzer, one of the
most articulate Christian advocates of modern times:“Constant kindness
can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes
misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.”
Even Islam,
the newest of the world religions, echoes the teaching found around the world, “God is gentle, and loves
gentleness in all matters.” –
Prophet Muhammad (as reported in Bukhari.) "Kindness is a mark of faith, and whoever is
not kind has no faith."
And so as not
to be unkind to the philosophers by leaving them out of this discussion, Plato
offered this advice, “Be
kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
In the 20th century ethicists took on the issue of
defining the fundamental principles of ethical behavior. The first stage of
this investigation concluded that making up rules for ethical behavior [Ten
Commandments] frequently doesn’t work. For instance, if a person named Bob
Smith seeks protection by coming to your home, and a dangerous person knocks on
your door and asks, “Is Bob Smith here?” would you obey the rule of prohibiting
false witness and tell the truth and contribute to Bob Smith being killed or
lie and save his life?
Given this
obvious shortcoming of rule making, the first thing the ethicists came up with
was situational ethics, or moral relativism. This doesn’t work either. Ethics
become weak, and morality suffers in such a wishy-washy matrix. Unfortunately,
many people are stuck in this ill-defined morass.
What was
needed was a well defined principle; and I’ll bet you can guess that the
ethicists eventually came up with;“What is the kindest thing to do?”
Gandhi
encountered a situation that required kindness during Hindu/Muslim rioting in
India.
Nahari, a
Hindu: I'm going to Hell! I killed a child! I
smashed his head against a wall.
Gandhi: Why?
Nahari: Because they killed my son! The Muslims killed my son!
Gandhi: I know a way out of Hell. Find a child, a child whose mother
and father were killed and raise him as your own. Only be sure that he is a
Muslim, and that you raise him as one.
If you would
like to see this scene from the movie “Gandhi” go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0RZLseVx8E
BIO Rev. Samuel Orrin Sewell, is Director of
Best Self USA, a nationwide Pastoral Psychotherapy Practice, serving as a
teacher for Naples Community Hospital as an instructor for Clinical Pastoral
Education, a life member of Mensa, a U.S. Navy Veteran, and a Member of the
Association For Intelligence Officers. He is a frequent commentator on mental
health and religious issues. His award winning research on family issues is
published in several languages. Member of Sigma Delta Chi Honor Society
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