"Pelosium" :
A major
research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element
yet known to science. The new element has been named Pelosium. Pelosium has one
neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 224 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.
These
particles are held together by dark particles called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons The symbol
of Pelosium is PU. Pelosium's mass actually increases over time, as morons
randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant
deputy neutrons within the Pelosium atom, leading to the formation of
iso-dopes.
This
characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity/concentration is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates CNN-adnauseum, an element that
radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it
has half as many peons but twice as many morons as Pelosium.
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