Dear President Obama:
I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico to look for work at one of the many U.S. companies located down there, and I would like to ask you to assist me.
We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements.
We plan to skip all the legal requirements like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws.
I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here, so we don't feel we need to bother with legalities.
So, would you mind telling your good friend, President Calderon, that we're on our way over?
Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. All Mexican government forms should be provided in English.
4. I want my grandchildren to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.
5. Inform all schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my grandchildren to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.
7. Plan to feed my grandchildren at school for both free breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but, I don't plan to purchase car insurance, or make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put U S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I expect to find our flag and favorite foods provided in grocery stores for all our cultural events. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
13. Please have the president caution all Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say a critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy. If I receive any negative comments, I will complain about racism, get a lawyer and file a lawsuit. I will expect that all legal services will be provided free and my attorney will speak English.
14. I expect to receive free food stamps.
15. I expect free rent subsidies.
16. I'll need Income Tax credits so although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the government.
17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Government pays $ 4,500 to help me buy a new car.
18. Please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income at retirement.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these nice things for all his people who cross the U.S. border from Mexico! Since you are such good friends, I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor.
Thank you so much for your kind help. You're the man!!!
I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico to look for work at one of the many U.S. companies located down there, and I would like to ask you to assist me.
We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements.
We plan to skip all the legal requirements like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws.
I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here, so we don't feel we need to bother with legalities.
So, would you mind telling your good friend, President Calderon, that we're on our way over?
Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. All Mexican government forms should be provided in English.
4. I want my grandchildren to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.
5. Inform all schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my grandchildren to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.
7. Plan to feed my grandchildren at school for both free breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but, I don't plan to purchase car insurance, or make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put U S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I expect to find our flag and favorite foods provided in grocery stores for all our cultural events. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
13. Please have the president caution all Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say a critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy. If I receive any negative comments, I will complain about racism, get a lawyer and file a lawsuit. I will expect that all legal services will be provided free and my attorney will speak English.
14. I expect to receive free food stamps.
15. I expect free rent subsidies.
16. I'll need Income Tax credits so although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the government.
17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Government pays $ 4,500 to help me buy a new car.
18. Please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income at retirement.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these nice things for all his people who cross the U.S. border from Mexico! Since you are such good friends, I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor.
Thank you so much for your kind help. You're the man!!!
"T"
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