Useful Aeronautical Definitions

AIRSPEED - Speed of an airplane.  (Deduct 25% when listening to a retired fighter pilot.) 
BANK - The folks who hold the lien on most pilots' cars. 
CARBURETOR ICING - A phenomenon reported to the FAA by pilots immediately after they run out of gas. 
CONE OF CONFUSION - An area about the size of New Jersey located near the final approach fix at an airport. 
DEAD RECKONING - You reckon correctly, or you are. 
DESTINATION - Geographical location 30 minutes beyond the pilot's bladder saturation point. 
ENGINE FAILURE - A condition that occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with low-octane air. 
FIREWALL - Section of the aircraft specifically designed to funnel heat and smoke into the cockpit. 
FLIGHT FOLLOWING - Formation flying. 
GLIDE DISTANCE - Half the distance from an airplane to the nearest emergency landing field. 
HOBBS - An instrument which creates an emergency situation should it fail during dual instruction. 
HYDROPLANE - An airplane designed to land long on a short and wet runway. 
LEAN MIXTURE - Nonalcoholic beer. 
MINI MAG LITE - Device designed to support the AA battery industry. 
NANOSECOND - Time delay between the Low Fuel Warning light and the onset of carburetor icing. 
PARASITIC DRAG - A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service. 
RICH MIXTURE - What you order at another pilot's promotion party. 
ROGER - Used when you're not sure what else to say. 
SECTIONAL CHART - Any chart that ends 25 nm short of your destination. 
SERVICE CEILING - Altitude at which cabin crew can serve drinks. 
SPOILERS - FAA Inspectors. 
STALL - Technique used to explain to the bank why your car payment is late. 
STEEP BANKS - Banks that charge pilots more than 10% interest. 
TURN & BANK INDICATOR - An instrument largely ignored by pilots. 
USEFUL LOAD - Volumetric capacity of the aircraft, disregarding weight. 
WAC CHART - Directions to the Army female barracks. 
YANKEE - Any pilot who has to ask New Orleans tower to "Say again".